Me too!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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