my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So squirting runs in the family.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
