Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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