When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
