Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
