If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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