I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
