I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
