How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
