I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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