you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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