dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
