Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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