you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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