last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
