I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My vagina just recognized that song.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
