Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
