Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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