I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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