Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
