They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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