Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
