i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
