You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
