so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I will be naked everywhere
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
