I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
