So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
