I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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