The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
BRING THE BAGELS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
