Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
