the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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