Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize