Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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