How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize