I need help removing her.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
