If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
