It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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