...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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