I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
