Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize