Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
