whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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