i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
