So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
