How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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