If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
