i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
