I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ugly people sure do ruin things
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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