I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
