I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
