Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
