at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
