I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
