I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
