he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
as a side note pls kill me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
