I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
