my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
