I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
