My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize