i'm signing you up for texting rehab
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
