my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
