Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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