I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize