thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
