he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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