she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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