Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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