So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
